1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
