I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
