You're completely useless in the revolution.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
