The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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