Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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