Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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