You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
