and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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