I accidentally had phone sex last night
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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