you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
