i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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