when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
