Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
