Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
