why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
