You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
