Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
