the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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