Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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