If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
