So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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