I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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