She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
