Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
