We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
