I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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