we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
