I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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