I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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