remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
its liver damage thursday
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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