I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
