Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
