who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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