Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
