Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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