I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
