I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
