Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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