So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
