Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
