I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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