after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
