sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
