The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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