Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
