Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
