Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
