And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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