I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
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