You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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