Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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