omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
should my penis look like a turkey
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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