Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
