I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
