the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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