I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
