Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
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He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
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Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
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