well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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