I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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