I heard we made out
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
