my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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