you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
