I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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