I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
