as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
