This is not my ceiling
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You can't just leave with hair like that
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
