I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
