My brain says no but my pants say off.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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